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Healthy Self-Esteem
As the world becomes more complex, competitive, challenging, self-esteem is more important than ever.
The shift from a manufacturing-based society to one based on information, and the emergence of a global economy characterized by rapid change have created growing demands on our psychological resources. Recently, the focus of my work has been to show how self-esteem principles and technology can be used to improve performance in the work place.
Self-Esteem Defined
Despite the abundance of books, studies, workshops and committees devoted to the subject of self-esteem, there is little agreement about what it means. Self-esteem has two essential components:
Self-efficacy: Confidence in the ability to cope with life's challenges. Self-efficacy leads to a sense of control over one's life.
Self-respect: Experience oneself as deserving of happiness, achievement and love. Self-respect makes possible a sense of community with others. Self-esteem is a self-reinforcing characteristic. When we have confidence in our ability to think and act effectively, we can persevere when faced with difficult challenges. Result: We succeed more often than we fail. We form more nourishing relationships. We expect more of life and of ourselves.
If we lack confidence, we give up easily, fail more often and aspire to less. Result: We get less of what we want.
What Self-Esteem is Not
Self-esteem is a necessary condition of well being. But it's not the only one. Its presence doesn't make life problem-free. Even people with high self-esteem may experience anxiety, depression or fear when overwhelmed by issues they don't know how to cope with.
I think of self-esteem as the immune system of consciousness. A healthy immune system doesn't guarantee you'll never become ill, but, it does reduce your susceptibility to illness and can improve your odds for a speedy recovery if you do get sick.
The same is true psychologically. Those with strong self-esteem are resilient in the face of life's difficulties.
It's impossible to have too much self-esteem. People who are arrogant or boastful actually show a lack of self-esteem. Those who are truly comfortable with themselves and their achievements take pleasure in being who they are... they don't need to tell the world about it.
Becoming successful, powerful or well liked does not automatically confer good self-esteem. In fact, talented and powerful people who doubt their own core value are usually unable to find joy in their achievements, no matter how great their external success.
Important: Self-esteem has to do with what I think of me, not what anyone else thinks of me.
The highly touted use of affirmations is also ineffective, or at best of marginal value, in raising self-esteem. Telling yourself you're capable and lovable accomplishes little if you are operating irresponsibly in key areas of your life.
Roots of Self-Regard
Genetic inheritance may have a role in a person's self-esteem -- it's conceivable, anyway. Parental upbringing can also play a powerful role.
Parents with strong self-esteem lay the foundation for that quality in their children. They raise them with plenty of love and acceptance, believing in their competence and setting reasonable rules and expectations.
Yet there are exceptions that we still don't understand. Some people who have these positive factors in their backgrounds become self-doubting adults, while others who survive seemingly destructive childhoods grow up with a strong sense of self-worth.
Strengthening self-esteem is not a quick or easy process. We can't do it directly. Self-esteem is a consequence of following fundamental internal practices that require an ongoing commitment to self-examination. I call these practices the "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem":
Living consciously: Paying attention to information and feedback about needs and goals... facing facts that might be uncomfortable or threatening... refusing to wander through life in a self-induced mental fog.
Self-acceptance: Being willing to experience whatever we truly think, feel or do, even if we don't always like it... facing our mistakes and learning from them.
Self-responsibility. Establishing a sense of control over our lives by realizing we are responsible for our choices and actions at every level... the achievement of our goals...our happiness... our values.
Self-assertiveness: The willingness to express appropriately our thoughts, values and feelings... to stand up for ourselves... to speak and act from our deepest convictions.
Living purposefully: Setting goals and working to achieve them, rather than living at the mercy of chance and outside forces... developing self-discipline.
Integrity: The integration of our behavior with our ideals, convictions, standards and beliefs... acting in congruence with what we believe is right. Most of us are taught from an early age to pay far more attention to signals coming from other people than from within. We are encouraged to ignore our own needs and wants and to concentrate on living up to others' expectations.
Self-esteem requires us to listen to and respect our own sensations, insights, intuition and perspective. For some people, learning to do this may require the help of a competent therapist. For all of us, developing the pillars of self-esteem is a life-long -- and worthy -- challenge.
About The Author Dr. Nathaniel Branden, author of 20 books, including "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" & "The Art of Living Consciously," is a practicing psychotherapist in Los Angeles with a Ph.D. in psychology and a background in philosophy. He also does corporate consulting and offers seminars, workshops, and conferences on the application of self-esteem principles and technology to the problems of modern business. Click on link below for more information about Dr. Nathaniel Branden Metaphysical circles often characterize incarnation as consisting of four bodies that work in concert to give us what we know of as a human. These are the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies. Each is important and their synergy is critical. The Mastery of Learning is naturally aimed at the mental body although it has connections with the physical, emotional and spiritual bodies as well, for none can survive successfully as an island. These four highly individual and unique islands are distributed equally around the points of an imaginary square. The island of the physical is known for its sands, clays, rich mineral and crystal deposits thus allowing you to fashion anything you desire. The island of the emotional body is more like a water park in the diversity of ways water bubbles, cascades, pools, flows, falls and collects. The island of the mental body is dynamic in its energy being dominated by a volcano that continually deposits more thus gradually enlarging the island, and the spiritual island has valleys and element sculptured mountains covered with tall trees all of which caress the ears with soft whispers as air masses play them endlessly in infinitely variable patterns. Collectively this quadruplet of distinctive islands constitute a stable platform upon which can be erected the human ecosystem. Mastery of each is essential for eventual mastery of being human. The interesting aspect of mastery is that beginning the search on any one island eventually leads you to awareness of the center between the islands which is the true center of your being. When standing on an island you are afforded a unique perspective that changes from island to island, yet each time the others can be seen diminished in the distance. In the center between the islands each is seen as being equal in importance and the relative perspective never changes. I explored the mental island first by writing The Mastery of Learning. This approach augments my ability to rapidly explore the remaining islands by giving me advanced exploration tools. As they are written, each new volume in the Mastery Series will explore a subsequent island. When the human archipelago has been characterized, each island will be found to be not so much an island as a gate leading to the center, the true goal in all paths. Once reached, the importance of the islands will fade as true perception provides proper understanding. That is mastery.
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